MOVING BEYOND REGRETS

Not everyone has every desire fulfilled every time. This includes strong desires with the best of intentions and resources. That is the rhythm of our humanity. Whatever happens about our desires, some are able to move on and try other things and other ways. Some others, however, never feel able to crawl out of the ditch of regrets. Some manage to after some time and with some help. That is where friends can be an asset.

Life can have many regrets, but is certainly not FULL of regrets as some people prefer to put it. Regrets come from our reflections about things that are in the past, which we could have done differently if our circumstances were different. Hindsight from a point of better knowledge, greater wisdom and maturity, or more resources and circumstances, make us wish we had done a number of things differently. This reminds me of Robert Frost, the American Poet, and his poem about The Road Not Taken. It is a reflection about a choice that had to be made between two equally inviting pathways. Having taken one – with no more compelling reason than that a choice had to be made between two options, he writes, "I shall be telling this with a sigh/ Somewhere ages and ages hence:/ Two roads diverged in a wood, and I –/ I took the one less travelled by,/ And that has made all the difference".

Looking back, some people tend to focus on who they might have become, or what they might have accomplished. There are also those who look to the past and thank God for the roads they were spared from following. These can include marriage partners, careers, and vocations. Some dwell so long – almost perpetually, on the path not taken that they do not even feel energised to savour the blessings they have, as we pointed out in our last newsletter.

It is important to tackle the recurring regrets with courage and face them head on. The language of regret is self-defeating: you didn’t do it well, you didn’t get it right, you didn’t…you didn’t…you didn’t… Some people languish under the torture of these regrets, never feeling able to celebrate new possibilities when they think so much has been lost.

Doing something about our poor performance in earlier times is great when we feel able to do so. There are some thoughts that we remember with shivers. If there is any way to obliterate them, by all means, do. Then shake off the haunting, cold hands of regrets. But if regrets cannot change anything, then dwelling with them can be enslaving and even rob us of inspiration, courage, and hope. See how the Psalmist moves from the dungeon of regret prayerfully to confidence and even grasps the promise of intimacy with God: “For your name’s sake, O Lord, pardon my guilt, for it is great. Who is the man who fears the Lord? Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose.  His soul shall abide in well-being, and his offspring shall inherit the land. The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant.  My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for he will pluck my feet out of the net. Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.”[1]

Do you nurse regrets? Stop bitting your fingers. Don’t let them bury your hopes and initiatives. Treasure the lessons to be learnt from past mistakes, failures, and missteps. There is the compassionate God to turn to as the Psalmist did. Embrace the new day, the new page, the new chapter, the new person, the new opportunity – in a word, the new world. Wait for God if that is what it takes. Again, the Psalmist is helpful here with his counsel: “I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”[2] Then, when He prompts you, soar on wings like an eagle; sing a new song.

Waiting is not always easy, but if it means waiting for God, it is the best option to a suicidal leap. As a missionary friend has pointed out, “The only thing harder than waiting on God is...wishing that you had.” Even so, prepare to move on. Who knows? A new you might just be in the labour room — about to be born!

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[1] Psalm 25:11–16 (ESV)

[2] Psalm 27:12–14 (ESV)